It’s always the bad days we try to keep a under wraps, the failed relationships, financial crisis, loneliness, the depression that creeps from the depths choking out the bit of light at the end of the tunnel. We are fragile creatures afraid of one more heartbreak, one more let down, one more thing to fall apart. There is an underlying fear of not knowing just how close the next one is. In each “thing” that we keep protected in secrets is the sickness of our humanity. We will never be revealed to be healed from ourselves, so long as we keep secrets. We must admit a lot of who we really are is hidden in the depths of our secrets. In those secret places are the pieces of ourselves we have abandoned for one reason or another. We re-visit these forbidden places to reconnect to authentic pieces of reality. Not everything that was left to be devoured by the darkness is evil in its nature. Often, we allow the purest things in life to get twisted with perversion. We have all been through so much during our walk of life, and it is all to be used for a purpose.
I can remember each pivotal moment in my life. Each sentiment saved in dates, times, moments, feelings…memories. The realness of the past coupled with all of the woes of the now, can make suffering through the combination unbearable. But you are only as sick as your secrets. The reasons you hold on so desperately to protect them could be weights you need to release yourself from the holds. Finally, there could be glimpses of each stumbling block turning into building blocks. There could be realizations for reasons for each season thus far in life. Let go of the control and maintenance of the dark, let the light reveal your sickness. Let in the unforeseen cure for the secret disease. What you desire, you will receive once you become and build the character to take care of it. What has broken you, will build you once you are no longer afraid to admit and allow healing.
I know that although I have made it so far and through so much, there is more to come. I take time to embrace my moments alone. In the silence, I let my secrets whisper to me. I let the pain flow through my soul. I remind myself that the tears are the life-giving water for the situation. My experiences have yet to finish. I am still building my personal perception. I know that how I view myself should be built on the basis of confidence and revelations from the lessons of life. I am no longer afraid to admit that sometimes, more often than not, I am lost. Situations flip so fast, and there, in the calm, as the tables are turning, I find the peace.
Remember there is always a blogger behind the blog, a musician behind the music, singer behind the song, who is living and battling life. One day, when we stop keeping secrets and protecting false images we will unveil the community in which we seek, the soulmates we long to connect with, the freedom in happiness and peace. Until then we remain, slaves to the sickness of the secrets we keep.