Two Faces

Never quite black enough, will never be white. Everything is not as it seems. There is a duality in me.  Some can only see the white on me. What ever happened to the black woman living inside me? The same kind that birthed me. So easy to forget the value in me when no one else can see. Why should I be made to battle the two sides of me, why can’t they live in duality? If only they took the time to see, the same parts of me, make up Us in totality. You may say, that the way the sun kisses my skin, producing a golden hue different from my kin, makes me somehow different. A difference that is not celebrated within. Instead, it is celebrated by the outside with the purpose to divide. 

Little do they know, I have never known the other side. The other part of me, I cannot see in me. It was not a privilege granted to me. An identity unknown. A culture embedded in my genes, only to be seen by those who can see the unseen. Seeing a reflection of a face that is unlike the likeness of you, as you that consciously seeks connection. Not understanding the nuances of your nature. I have become a woman in the image of mystery. The unknown welcomes me as a familiar family. Secrets secure me providing the space for serenity.

I have often wanted to change the parts of me that do not reflect the blackness I desire to be the complete me.  It took growth and time to realize that in all things I am a black woman. It does not change whether others see this in me. My blackness does not come from my language, clothes, or music. It is my birth right, it is mine from birth. Nothing I do can make me more or less than what I am. Taking back my identity instead of shaping myself around pressuring views of who I was supposed to be, equipped me for my bloom.

Then, I did not know I was gathering the resources to fuel my growth. Accepting myself enabled me to have THE turning point in my journey. The fuel to continue was my building passion and courage. It all came to a moment that pushed me out of my box of comforts and normality. I wanted to establish myself as the me I wanted to be. I committed everything I had to invest in myself. Now where there once lived two faces, there is only one…me.

Realizing that humanity is more than a skin color. More than just localized culture. Maybe then we could all understand the pressure we are inflicting by biasing humanity based on the confines of our minds. Perceptions of people we have pushed to accept. Never pushed to think deeper about existence. Never questioned our separation to find our togetherness. There is a cry of people trying to “find their place” when it should be everywhere. The land is no respecter of person, place, or thing. It welcomes whosoever walks, takes space, resides to live.

In this journey of self-discovery, getting back to the basics is important. Take off the veils limiting your view: Republican-Democrat, White-Black, Old-Young etc. To find something you have been missing. A heart for the heartless, a love for the loveless, a friend for the lonely, a family for the orphan, a home for humanity.

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